I took the photo above when we were in Maine in August to celebrate my birthday and our anniversary. We have a cabin onto which we've started building an addition; the whole structure will become our permanent home when we retire. When we were there, as you can see, we had a foundation but no framing completed. We marked out the rooms' locations in the sand and imagined ourselves in the new place. We even parked the car (photo below) in the "garage."
As anyone who's ever had anything to do with construction will understand, this project is taking longer than we planned. We originally thought we'd work with a big company to design and build the home, but after eight months of back-and-forths with them, we conceded that they weren't a good fit for us. We started over with a terrific drafter (If you're looking for a drafter in Maine, follow the link to connect with ours!) and the builders (Here's their website, in case you've got construction plans in your future) who put up the cabin onto which we're adding. (We love their work.) In the summer of 2021, we thought we'd have a completed project by now; instead, we have framed house.
We could choose to be upset by the delays. Instead, we're embracing the "not yet." Here are some things we know and can enjoy:
- We will have a house, and it will be a house we love.
- We haven't had to pay for the construction too quickly.
- We get to enjoy every step of the process.
- We can use our imaginations to envision the space.
Not yet having a house has been a gift.
I've been trying to remember to apply "not yet" thinking to other aspects of my life. I often get impatient. I want everything to be wrapped up yesterday, but when I embrace a "not yet" attitude, I enjoy the successes more. When my inner voice chides me that, "I am not a published author," I reply, "not yet." When I think about how fast I can jog or how much weight I can lift, and the numbers don't sound speedy or strong, I tell myself that I'm not as speedy or strong as I want to be yet.
By saying "not yet," I acknowledge the present and create an opening for the future I want. I also help myself to focus on what I can do to achieve the desired goal. Instead of feeling inadequate, I can focus on the steps I need to take to get to the location I want to be. Not yet offers both reality and direction.
In what ways could "not yet" thinking help you accept where you are and get you to where you want to be? Please share any ideas in the comments.
In case you're still reading, here's a few photos of how the house looks now, as of mid-October. It's not done yet, but it's certainly got more than it did.
Circus skills instructors are very big on “not yet.” A lot of times when you try to teach someone a new skill, they say they can’t do it. For example, someone comes to a juggling lesson, and then says they can’t juggle. Well, it’s great that you can’t do it yet! If you could already juggle, you wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn to juggle right now.
I love the expression “opportunity to learn” — much better than “I can’t!” Thanks.
Oh and PS the house looks amazing! Love the ceiling.
Me, too! Can’t wait to see it in person soon…and to invite guests later.
Not yet can drive me crazy, but it often provides opportunities to revise and refine that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
It’s exciting to see so much framing in place. I hope “not yet” will soon be “not long.”
I like thinking about where the “not yet” can lead. Yes, in this case, we hope it’s “not long” or at least “not never!”
Not yet means the door is open, not closed! Instead of defeat, sometimes before there was really a good try, not yet speaks forward motion and optimism! This post is great and also I’m excited to watch the progress on your addition!
Yes, and sometimes it means that not only is the door open, but the door and the walls haven’t even been constructed yet — we can build what we want if we embrace the not yet!
What an exciting project! And good for you, embracing the process. Anything else & you’ll go bananas. We love Maine – maybe we’ll be retirement neighbors!
Oh, that’s exciting. I’m looking forward to catching up in person soon — and hearing about your Maine plans.
Maine is so beautiful, and the house looks amazing! Your post reminds me of what the Wellness Speaker, Mr. Perera, brought up in his talk yesterday: that we shouldn’t strive for immediate perfection but simply to be better than our yesterdays. Recognizing that our goals can only be reached through a process, and embracing that process, makes accomplishing them taste even sweeter.
I love this connection to what we are learning here on campus. Yes, I agree that he had a lot of important messages, especially for our population, who are used to being great at everything. Of course, you all can become great at everything, but with hard work and time. It’s all about being okay with the not-yet of it all. Thanks for posting!
I love this statement: “By saying “not yet,” I acknowledge the present and create an opening for the future I want.”
Your house project is so exciting!
(A cabin in the woods enough to be excited!) In our home, our retirement/fantasy talks include owning a small farm not so far from the city with fruit trees, chickens, a sheep, a cow, horses, and a dog. The much smaller version of “ The Biggest Little Farm.”
I’d love to see the pictures of the completed project in a future post!
Thanks. Yes, I’m sure I’ll find ways to include the completed project…though that’s still months away. I don’t think we’ll have any chickens or sheep or farm animals, but yes to the dog.
I love this connection to what we are learning here on campus. Yes, I agree that he had a lot of important messages, especially for our population, who are used to being great at everything. Of course, you all can become great at everything, but with hard work and time. It’s all about being okay with the not-yet of it all. Thanks for posting!
The house looks amazing!! I have no patience and need more “not yet” in my life.
Thanks. We’re very excited to see the progress soon.
Since you’re also mid-construction-project, you must be learning patience along with me.
Your excellent post, and the discussions which followed reminded me of what I thought was aHelen Keller quote., which it was, but she was not the first to use this idea, but she was not the first to have this thought. This is what I came up with.
https://examples.yourdictionary.com/articles/who-said-when-one-door-closes-another-opens.html
Who Said “When One Door Closes Another Opens”?
Renee Banzhaf M.Ed. English Education
Alexander Graham Bell made the famous announcement, “When one door closes, another opens.” This quote may seem overly optimistic, but there are many scientists and entrepreneurs who originally failed in their endeavors only to learn from their mistakes and move forward.
Bell himself had many failures and setbacks in both his career and private life. However, he did not use these as reasons to quit; rather, he forged new opportunities for himself, his family, and his career. Did you know the original quote is longer? Do you know who else has said it? Let’s open a few more doors.
Postage stamp with Alexander Graham Bell
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There Is More to the Quote
While Alexander Graham Bell may have said this quote, there’s actually more to it. In 1935, after his passing, he was quoted in The Winona Times as saying:
When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
So, it’s not just about one door closing and another door opening; it’s about our focus. WIll we choose to stare at the closed door and miss the open door as it swings wide open? In truth, this quote is about missed opportunities. Many people do not like and, therefore, resist change. Yet, not all change is bad. Sometimes, the ambiguity of the change makes it difficult to see beyond.
A closed door to some may mean loss or failure. What if, instead, it’s an opportunity for development and growth? Those who don’t dwell on what might have been but focus on what could be are able to see the open door before them and follow Bell’s advice.
Who Else Said It?
There are a few other notable people who, throughout history, have written very similar lines. Take Hellen Keller’s excerpt from her book We Bereaved in 1929 and again in The Open Door in 1957:
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
Next, we have Johann P.F. Richter. Also known widely as Jean Paul, the German humor writer of the late 18th and early 19th century wrote:
When one door closes another always opens, but we usually look so long, so intently and so sorrowfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened.
Finally, and perhaps the earliest attribution, comes from Miguel de Cervantes’ famous novel Don Quixote. The first part of the book was published in 1605. Cervantes wrote:
When one door is shut another is opened.
Is There Any Truth to This?
What do you think? Is it true that, when one favorable thing is taken away, another opportunity takes its place? Perhaps it’s an example of mind over matter. Emily Dickinson said, “Hope is the thing with feathers.” You must carry it with you wherever you go and always look out for the best. Don’t get too caught up in the past.
Are you interested in learning a few more wise sayings that have been passed down through time? If so, take a look at these Examples of Adage in Literature. You’ll enjoy everything from Benjamin Franklin’s Poor Richard’s Almanack, Aesop’s Fables, and even the most widely read book in the world – the Bible. Remember, “To everything, there is a season.”
Thanks for this interesting excerpt. I like that idea that it’s not so much about the open or closed doors as about where we focus. Also, if there aren’t any open doors, maybe we need to smash through some walls or climb out some windows.
Right on!
Thanks — now we need to figure out what walls to smash through!