271. Why It’s Not about the Hockey

This morning, I skated my last practice of the 2023-2024 winter season as a Salisbury Stinger. At this point, I've been on the adult women's ice hockey team for close to twenty years, and what a couple of decades they have been! As a team, we've been through a lot.

In early March, 2020, I hosted a party to celebrate the end of another season, a pretty unremarkable one, actually. That gathering was the last time I met in a group of unmasked people for more than a year. In the winters of 2020-2021 and 2021-2022, the team had modified seasons in which we couldn't practice at Hotchkiss, so I didn't participate. In 2022-2023, I was taking on my new job as a dean and knew that I would be flat out with work; again, I didn't sign up.

This year, after lots of time spent thinking about what matters in life, I decided that even if I was overrun with work and even if my body isn't as resilient as it once was, I wanted to bring the Stingers back into my life. To be clear, I'm not a great player. I figure-skated as a little kid (when it's available, please check out next week's post) but didn't try on hockey skates or pick up a stick until I came to Hotchkiss. When we first moved onto campus in 1997, there was a co-ed group of faculty who played together some Sundays, and my husband, who grew up in the hockey world, convinced me to give it a try. I didn't particularly enjoy the dynamic of the team and therefor didn't fall in love with the sport or go back to that group.

Maybe a year or two later, a couple women at my school (Hi, KN and I miss you, JWT) said that they had started an all-women's hockey team and asked me if I wanted to give it a try. If you were ever lucky enough to meet JWT, you know that her exuberance was contagious. How could I say no? From my first practice, I was hooked.

The photo above (see me in the back?) will link you to the Salisbury Stingers' Facebook page. (Follow us, if you want.) We took this picture just after a game, years ago, and I love that it captures our joy.

Some of you might ask, "Wow, how much did you win that game by to be feeling so great?" If I didn't look carefully at the photo, I would have told you that we might have won by a lot or a little, or we might even have lost; however, as I see that we're wearing both black and white jerseys, I know that we weren't playing against any other team. Half of the people in that photo just lost and half just won. I'd bet three months' pay that nobody in the photo remembers which team was which! While we don't mind winning games and always play as hard as we can, whether we win, lose, or tie doesn't determine how much fun we have. We always have fun because we focus on what matters:

• These women know how to be a group. We build community with shared meals, parties, hikes, and more. Some women go out for brunch after morning practices. Others share meals after away games. Some of us enjoy chatting in the locker room as we suit up. (Despite what a former president implied, locker room chat can be kind and bonding. Being in a locker room is not an excuse to be a pig.)
• We show up for one another. Over the years, we've had Stingers get sick, be in accidents, lose family members, die. In those times, we support our teammates. In my worst times, I've been able to count on Stingers to look out for me, and I have tried to be where they need me when they need me.
• It's a great workout. For those of you who haven't played or watched hockey, I'll have you note that a reasonable shift (time on the ice before a break) is under a minute. In the NHL, where the best trained, strongest, most elite athletes play, the average shift lasts under fifty seconds. I know of no other exercise that gets my heart rate up faster or my muscles working harder than ice hockey.

When women consider joining the team, they often warn us that they're not very good, haven't skated in years, didn't play in college, etc, and every time, we all tell them the same thing: it's not about the hockey.

What activities do you participate in and love that bring great people into your orbit, keep you fit, allow you to work as a team, and build you up? If you don't have an answer, I encourage you to find your people and make something happen. You can center your gatherings around any activity because it's not about what you do but about the people you're with and the attitude with which you undertake your task. Please share any ideas/suggestions in the comments.