The photo above doesn't have anything to do with my topic for today. It's a photo I took at my school; I think it's pretty.
I've been thinking about what it means to be truly generous. I love giving gifts, especially ones that people don't expect and that don't align with any recognized gift-giving event. It's true, I consider it a winning day when I get a thanks note from someone who wants to express gratitude for such gifts, but I usually don't need acknowledgment from recipients to evoke the benefits of having given a gift. The plus sides of physical presents aren't complicated for me; giving them sparks joy.
I find it harder to give generously of my energy, effort, and time. When I have a free day or hour or few minutes with no pressing work, I'll read a romance novel. If I'm going to choose how to spend my time, I won't usually spend it driving people to the train station or reading over their supplemental essays, for example. I believe that true generosity has two parts:
- giving someone else something that the other person wants or needs or enjoys.
- making them believe that the giving of said time/object does not constitute a loss/burden to me.
That first one is fun for me, but I find the second really difficult. Sometimes I want to shout, "Can't you see how much I'm giving up here?" But that's just jerky. It is not truly generous behavior if I make my recipient feel guilty about what I've given up to help. In fact, the truly kind act is to make the person believe that I have all the time in the world, and if I could choose my first-choice way to spend it, I'd be doing this favor. I'm not good at that.
I'm open to suggestions. Without being dishonest, how do you, dear readers, make the recipients of your gifts of time feel unburdened by knowing what you're giving up to help them? Please share your responses in the comments.
You give your time more generously than possibly anyone I know!
However, I’m not sure that I agree that giving time graciously requires hiding how much effort the favor takes, and I definitely don’t agree that allowing someone to know the truth about your effort means you are making them feel guilty. We cut off the price tag before giving a physical object, but nobody expects you to completely hide or obscure its value, and the recipient, who can probably guess how much that cost affected you, is expected to respond appropriately. I don’t see any difference in giving your time.
Thanks. That’s nice of you to say. I agree that it’s okay for people to know that my spending time costs me the time I could be doing something else, but I don’t ever want to make someone feel bad about the fact that I might rather be doing that other thing. I don’t think it’s generous to make someone feel like an obligation or a duty. I do like your idea that except for small children, most people would know that there are opportunity costs for people, so anyone giving their time is necessarily giving up something else. That feels okay.
It’s a great photo. Most of yours are. You have such a great eye for photography.
Thanks so much. Sometimes, I think it’s a quantity issue. If I take as many pictures as I do, many of them will end up being great. I post only the great ones.