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239. Why Today isn’t Special

Posted on July 26, 2023July 26, 2023 by caritagardiner
Screen Shot 2023-04-23 at 7.40.28 AM

If you read and remember my post from one week ago today, you might recall that the title was the exact opposite of today's. Well, that's not a mistake. On her podcast, Gretchen Rubin has said that the opposite of a profound truth is also true. Today, I'm going with that.

As I wrote last week, we get only one chance to live each day. I continue to endorse the idea that every day provides a unique opportunity to try harder, to do better, to be kinder, to live as we wish. We absolutely should not squander moments because time is not renewable. That said, I had a realization in an airport once that made me think that what happens on any given day doesn't change who I am or what my goals are, that nothing that's going on in my life makes today different from any other day.

Do you recognize the store in the photo above? You can find one like it in many airports across the country. (World travelers, do they have these in other countries as well?) When I was heading from somewhere to another where at some  point, I went into one such store because the trip I was taking was special as I don't usually get to go places that involve leaving the ground. To celebrate the moment, I bought a bag of candy.

I love candy (not chocolate--weird, I know), and eating the sweet treats made my travel day that much more special, right? Even though I try to eat healthful foods in general, I told myself that going on an adventure was a special occasion.

My birthday, that's another special occasion, too. Oh, and the birthdays of my family and friends. And the nights when the dining hall at my school serves tres leches cake , because I never know when that's going to happen again. Or when they put out Rice Krispie treats. Or carrot cake. Or any of their other wonderful treats. (Thanks, MW and team!) Also, when people bring snacks into the Deans Wing or the English office. (Thanks, MR!) Or when I get a new kind of candy in my office. Or when the name of the day ends in Y.

It turns out, that if I want to, I can come up with a reason why every day is an exception to my general pattern, so much so that the pattern doesn't exist. If I indulge in sweets only on special days and every day is special, I don't actually follow a healthy, thoughtful eating plan as much as I consume what's available and delicious.

The same applies to all of the other things that I hope generally to do daily--exercise, writing, grading essays, and more. If I tell myself that under special circumstances, I can forgo what I believe to give myself a treat, then I can call every day a special circumstance and never reach my big-picture goals.

So yes, today is special. I'll keep trying to appreciate every minute for the unique experiences it offers and the thoughtful ways I can utilize it. And also, no, today isn't special because if I think that a "special"  day provides an excuse to slack off on what I fundamentally want, then I'm not really living as I believe I should. If I hold a value, I need to hold it every day. Maybe the best way to mark today as special isn't to celebrate it with an activity or food that pushes me off my desired path but by one that furthers my goals. Now, I could use some help thinking of what those are.

Where do you fall on the special/not special question? And what activities or treats can you think of that both celebrate the moment and further long-term goals? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

6 thoughts on “239. Why Today isn’t Special”

  1. Richard says:
    July 26, 2023 at 4:00 pm

    You are amazing!

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      August 2, 2023 at 12:24 pm

      Thanks so much. I come from good stock.

      Reply
  2. Yuna says:
    July 26, 2023 at 5:11 pm

    I love the anticipation that leads up to a known “special” day (like a birthday or a wedding or a vacation..etc). Your post today prompts me to consider whether at times I count down the days, vs. making the days count. Nonetheless, a great reminder to have something [little] to look forward to each day so we can appreciate the present moment, AND also still have something to look forward to in the future!

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      July 28, 2023 at 2:27 pm

      Yes, exactly! I know that people’s anticipation and sense of a finish line helps them appreciate the passing of time and the events that come up. We need to balance those count downs to big events with the feeling that today, even if nothing major will happen, is also one-of-a-kind and an opportunity to enjoy life.
      Speaking of big days coming up…it’s Leo Szn!

      Reply
  3. Pattie says:
    July 26, 2023 at 8:34 pm

    I believe that candy is its own reward.
    I’m not big on chocolate either, but I try to remain open to the possibility that I might like it in the future.

    Reply
    1. caritagardiner says:
      July 28, 2023 at 2:24 pm

      Agreed on the first point. I love a good candy reward.
      As the staying open to the possibility that I’ll learn to like chocolate, I’d rather not. There are so many people who are grateful when I say, “No, you can have all the chocolate,” that I might as well keep that (as I elbow them out of the way to the gummy bears).

      Reply

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WHAT I DO

I serve as a class dean and teach English to high schoolers at a boarding school in Connecticut. I’ve earned a Bachelor of Arts (Amherst College), an Education Master in Learning and Teaching (Harvard University Graduate School of Education), a Master of Arts in English (Bread Loaf School of English), and most recently a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing with a certificate in the online teaching of writing (Southern New Hampshire University).

As a writer, I hope to capture the complexity and joy of life in the New England boarding school world. On this site, I share what I know about trying to write fiction while deaning, teaching English, coaching, and doing the other tasks associated with helping to raise over six hundred other people’s children.

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