Above is a photo I took of our mantle in Connecticut. You might think I took the photo in November, December, or January. I won't tell you exactly when I snapped the picture, but it certainly wasn't any of those holiday months. Yes, this year I've kept the stockings up much longer than I do most years -- they're still up. Here's my question for you: if seeing the my hand-knit and completely personalized designs (one for each member of my family who has ever spent Christmas at our house) makes me happy, why should I display these items only a few weeks each year?
Which brings me to my point. When I was younger, I was a binary thinker. In my world view, ideas and actions were either good or bad, just or unfair, smart or foolish, productive or wasteful. It was usually simple for me to pick a side. In that mindset, I didn't have room in my head for complexities.
Gradually, I've come to understand that often, both sides of an argument can have their merits. The phrase "at the same time" has been a game-changer for me. What once looked like a dichotomy, now appears multi-pronged. Situations I assume to be easy to categorize in one way or another take on more nuance when I think from an "at the same time" vantage.
It's easier for me, in this new way of viewing the world, not to get mad at people whose positions don't align with mine. Instead, I think about how their perspectives are informed by their experiences as mine are by where I've been. If I learn more about how they've gotten to where they are, I can either change my mind or understand how what they believe makes sense for them. I can work to show how I've gotten to where I am or decide to let go of trying to align. They can believe what they believe and I can stick to my guns. Both things can be true at the same time.
Have you had any "at the same time" revelations in your life? Want to share them in the comments?
One of the more frequently useful organizational development phrases I’ve picked up is “Unstructure your dichotomies.”
That seems like a much fancier way to say what I mean. Thanks!
I’m trying really hard to remember that there are a lot of things I don’t know and a lot of valid other perspectives in the world. It definitely makes me less angry. I think a little more of this would help our country a lot right now. I don’t think anyone wants to be angry and full of hate, and yet most of us blame whichever side we’re not on at the moment.
so true!
I love your post!
I agree with the theory you and V expound, but I often find it challenging to practice. I’m working on it, though.
I have heard this accusation: “Physicians are sometimes wrong, but never in doubt.“ I try to recognize that I may be wrong even when I think I’m right. Yes, I realize that‘s“binary thinking,” but that isn’t always “bad.”;-))
Maybe the way to get to embrace the new thought is to start with, “I’m partly right and partly wrong.” Then, you could figure out the tricky parts.
Here are some examples where I could not follow your age advice.
2+3 = 9.7351
Donald Trump, was is the best president the US ever had and if he gets reelected will become the best president of the world has ever seen.
I see your point. I was going to write that when facts are at play, there’s more often a clear right and a clear wrong, but given the Liar’s Dilemma, even facts can be portrayed as “fake news” and cast into doubt. Even in places where binary thinking should work, some people cast doubt. Life is indeed complicated!
As usual, you are so very sage and correct.